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One of the most impactful lectures I've come across in recent years is by the renowned marriage therapist Hedi Schleifer. Her lecture, accompanied by Hebrew subtitles, is truly compelling.
Hedi's personal story adds a profound layer to her teachings. Born in 1944 to Jewish parents who escaped from a concentration camp in France, her family eventually settled in Israel after a journey through Switzerland, planned meticulously by her mother.
In the lecture, Hedi recounts a poignant moment with her mother, now an elderly woman with Alzheimer's, in a nursing home. Despite her swirling emotions, Hedi decides to fully immerse herself in the moment, describing it as "crossing the bridge" to her mother. This decision to be truly present leads to a touching breakthrough, as her mother, after months of not recognizing her, suddenly acknowledges her with tears in her eyes, saying, "You are my daughter."
With over 40 years of experience as a couples therapist, Hedi has developed her own approach to connection, which she calls the three invisible connectors: the space, bridge, and encounter. This approach is not limited to couples but serves as a fundamental framework for connecting with any person.
The Space, as Martin Buber, the renowned Jewish philosopher, said, is where our relationships reside, and this space is sacred. However, many of us fail to recognize and take responsibility for this space, often unconsciously tainting it with comments, criticism, or self-centeredness. To connect authentically, we must first acknowledge our own feelings and experiences, taking a moment to breathe before reacting.
The next step is the bridge, where we metaphorically travel to the other person's world, leaving behind our preconceptions and agendas. This conscious decision allows for genuine connection and understanding.
Finally, the meeting is about truly listening and reflecting on what the other person is saying. By doing so, we engage our mirror neurons, which are essential for developing empathy and creating new neural pathways that enhance our ability to connect deeply with others.
Hedi concludes her lecture with a heartwarming story about a simple yet profound meeting with her grandson, which beautifully encapsulates the essence of her teachings.
In summary, Hedi Schleifer's lecture reaffirms my long-held beliefs and gives me renewed hope in the power of connection and understanding. It serves as a poignant reminder of our ability to connect deeply with others and ourselves. I hope you enjoy watching it as much as I did.
https://youtu.be/HEaERAnIqsY?si=Mustoj9zWaTb0Cs0
