I first encountered this Ted talk years ago, but its value keeps drawing me back. I was touched by the lecturer, Dr. Helen Rees, a psychiatrist and Harvard University professor. Her insights are profound and her knowledge is significant.
One story that deeply resonated with me was about the Zulu people. When they meet, they say "sawubona," which means "I see you." This simple yet powerful greeting left a lasting impression on her when she discovered it.
She tells of another incident that touched her that occurred during one of her recent trips. She observed a common scenario: boarding a plane, preparing for the flight—some to sleep, some to work on their computers—when suddenly, the sound of a crying baby filled the plane. She noted various reactions: knowing looks from other parents, annoyed or frustrated expressions from some passengers, or people hastily seeking the only empty seat at the front of the plane. However, this time was different. As the baby cried persistently, a three-year-old child approached and offered the baby his pacifier.
This act struck her profoundly. It made her ponder—don't we all desire to be seen, understood, and have our needs cared for? Isn't this the essence of empathy?
Dr. Rees then shared a study conducted by one of her students. The study aimed to determine if two people in a state of empathy would exhibit synchronized physical parameters, such as pulse. They recorded and filmed sessions between pairs of doctors and patients, including one involving Dr. Rees and a young girl seeking treatment for eating disorders and excess weight. Their monitoring devices showed synchronized waves, indicating empathy. However, the girl's waves were erratic, revealing her deep-seated anxiety, a revelation that surprised Dr. Rees.
This discovery deeply moved her and marked a breakthrough in her work and the patient's life. She became an "emotion detective," noticing physical movements such as touching the hair or looking away, which accompanied nervous movements. By mirroring these movements back to her patient during their sessions, the patient began to express her emotions and, for the first time, engage in physical activity. Over the following year, the patient lost more than twenty kilograms. This is indicative of what is known as mirror neurons.
Dr. Rees invites us to imagine a world where empathy is taught and practiced widely. To that end, she developed empathy training based on neuroscience. Doctors who underwent this training were rated by their patients as more understanding, compassionate, and able to create personal connections.
To help people remember how to connect with empathy, Dr. Rees created a model with the acronym EMPATHY:
E - Eye contact: Making eye contact, a basic yet crucial aspect of human interaction. Studies have shown that eye contact between a mother and her baby is essential for the baby's emotional development.
M - Muscles of facial expression: Our faces often reveal our emotions, serving as a tool for survival.
P - Posture: Body language plays a significant role in establishing empathy and rapport. Doctors who were instructed to sit next to their patients during visits were perceived as more caring.
A - Affect: Recognizing and expressing feelings, and attempting to understand what others are going through.
T - Tone of voice: Our tone of voice is linked to the same part of the brain responsible for the fight-or-flight response. It changes involuntarily when we are emotionally activated, making our feelings visible to others.
H - Hearing the whole person: Truly listening and showing curiosity about the other person's experience.
Y - Your response: Our inner experiences can mirror those of others. When we witness intense events, we can actually feel the pain or joy of others. This underscores the danger of cyberbullying—when we cannot see the pain of others, it becomes easier to humiliate and shame them.
Dr. Rees emphasizes that we are all wired for empathy because our survival depends on it. She quotes the Dalai Lama, who stated, "Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive."
Empathy is a skill that can be learned and has far-reaching implications. Employers who want engaged and caring employees ( another known fact is that the number one reason people switch jobs is they feel unseen ), health systems where patients recover faster when they feel treated with empathy, and educational systems where students are less likely to drop out if they feel connected—all benefit from empathy.
In conclusion, Jonathan Safran Foer's words resonate deeply: "When we are ready to accept reduced replacements, we become reduced replacements." Empathy is the key to recognizing and embracing our uniqueness and that of others. It binds us together, empowering ourselves and humanity for the future, and the future of our planet.
My personal mission is to spread Empathy and teach it.
